I'm 20! (Or I will be!)

What have I learned this year???

A lot of stuff! Reflections ftw.

1) I learned that I can only be happy when I lose myself in something.
2) I learned to turn to God instead of harboring anger when someone talks shit about me.
3) I learned that if someone talks shit about me, it might actually be because of the actions in my past - I learned to try and rise above my mistakes.
4) I found that I write when I'm happy and play games when I'm sad - the latter is a horrible coping method and I'll have to come up with a different idea.
5) The world sucks. Not necessarily in an emo/negative way. It's just in terms of Christian ideals... every corner is an obstacle you have to over come.
6) I learned that I might want to run away from the said obstacles in the form of going to live in Africa to preach or something.
7) I learned to love. I also learned how hard it is to truly continue loving. It's a beautiful picture and I think it's an image of sacrifice. Then again it may be rather ironic to refer to it as beautiful; it's an ugly picture when your mind is battling your heart.
8) I learned about my desires and how to hold them back. I think that's how it should go in all relations within my life... I'm called to give, not to take.
9) I learned to be honest. Not to spite someone by telling them they've failed, but because I love them and I want them to succeed in the future.
10) I learned to watch people.
11) I learned how much I hate being able to watch people - I see things I don't want to see.
12) I learned to try and stop myself from turning my back on God.
13) I learned that I've changed a lot.
14) I learned that I haven't changed at all.
15) I learned that in the end, God is the only one you can trust. It's sad, but nobody is to blame. We're all just human. We can try our best but we're not perfect.
16) I learned to appreciate the ones that do try their best.
17) I learned that I couldn't draw anything to save my life. Even my stick figures are fail!
18) I realized I should've taken this music stuff seriously before. Now I'm just too lazy.
19) I learned to mourn the loss of friendships. Maybe I've become too honest, but my heart's intentions are to speak in love.
20) I remembered the beauty of innocence.
21) I learned how easy it is to smile.
22) And how easy it is to fake it all the time.
23) 21 and 22 makes me sad, because then I imagine all the times that other people might fake their smiles when they're really crying inside.
24) I learned that although I complain about the world all the time, I love every single person in this world. If I am a child of God, then I believe that His love for the world was passed down to my heart too. I might not be as perfect as He is in loving, but I love the world.
25) I am reminded that my memory has not improved at all. I've learned a bazillion things this year, obviously. But I can't remember anymore!

Goals for this year:

1) I want to learn to love more. I want to learn to give without thinking. I want to pray for the world and stop thinking in selfish ways.
2) I want to regain hope in people. Maybe this is how bad God feels when we turn away... you're holding out your hand all the time yet nobody sees you.
3) Become more expressive about my optimistic thoughts. I'm actually a very semi-happy and optimistic person! It's just that writing about sad things are much more expressive :] Time to work on my happy vocabulary!

Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday dear MEEEEEE
Happy birthday to me!
Yeah!

Or in like 3 hours at least.

Yee